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"I am your guardian angel!" Answers the voice joyfully. The man sighs a sigh of relief and asks the air: "Who ARE you?!?" Stunned, he continues on his way, and after a few minutes hears the voice again: "Stop! Don't cross the road, if you do, the next vehicle will run you over!" The man freezes and again is almost hit by a speeding car. Surprised, the man stops just as a huge brick crashes down right in front of him. Have you noticed since almost everyone has quick access to a video camera these days, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?Ī man walks down the street when suddenly he hears a tiny voice above him saying: "If you make one more step, a brick will land on your head and kill you." The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Today, countless bars are dedicated to Carrie Oakley. The sister, Carrie, gained some renown in her day as a singer in various saloons throughout the West, but it was not until after her death that she was very widely known. Historians have recently discovered that Annie Oakley, famed sharp-shooter of the Old West, had a sister. The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Señor. The following day he returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.Īfter a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.' If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.' There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. The Australian said, 'I will have the same please.' The waiter replied, 'Si Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?' Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Although all the customers talk about now is how they should really get Wi-Fi in this coffee shop." -Jimmy FallonĪn Australian stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Madrid.
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"I read about a coffee shop in Toronto that doesn't have any Wi-Fi to encourage customers to talk to each other. Stahl straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines.” Stahl approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?" She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.ĭespite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women still seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old customs. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands. Lesley Stahl did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before our involvement in the Afghan conflict. 'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’. 'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me and, at 95 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'. 'Well,' Larry said, 'you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?' Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you? However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Larry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.Ī month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry, but one day, Bob approached the park and - lo and behold - there sat Larry! Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
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But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. OLD AGE AT ITS BEST OR IN SOME CASES WORST!!!!!Īlmost have to feel sorry for the old coot!!!!!!